Archive for July, 2008
Wednesday, July 30th, 2008
Give Us This Day
The Daily Bread is a soup kitchen here in Melbourne that specializes in the production and operation of manageable, efficient miracles. One of perhaps two locations where God is Kept on the Space Coast, it is populated with volunteers who sacrifice to sit at the mouth of the void and point the way back for the lost.
I strongly urge anyone reading this to imbue and enable these right ones. Even if its just $5, there isn’t a better thing you could do. I’m not one of those modern-day pharisees types who’d go so far as to say that whatever you give magically turns into brilliant white holy power and will come back to you ten-fold. But, in this particular case, I’m confident that giving even the stringent minimum is correct and good and right in a very cosmic sense. Opportunities to purchase wholesale this variety and quantity of grace rarely occur, so I very much encourage it.
Go here. Click the Paypal button, tap in your info and plunk down a satisfying number. Immensely satisfying, I promise, and you’ll set humanity ahead a couple of dots to boot.
Monday, July 21st, 2008
Gitelmania
Gitelmania - A state of continued existence in the video game industry wherein each successive failure leads to a subsequent promotion involving greater responsibility.
I coined a new term for what must be a psychological disorder on the part of Human Resources at Microsoft Games. Why would you hire Mitch “We’ll do it our way, fuck the fans and IP” Gitelman on after the blustering, BLINDING supernova that was the Shadowrun first-person shooter? Why would you hire him on as the effin’ DIRECTOR of DISTRIBUTED GAMES for XBOX? Was that last thing he did such a blowaway hit? Were there die-hard converts lined up outside Gamestops and EB Games to have a chance at buying the coveted first-person shooter known for its four Counterstrikey levels, unmitigated rape of the original fiction and complete lack of single-player experience? Did I miss this revolution of cross-platform gaming touted by none other than the legendary Bill Gates himself?
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t blame the developers of the now defunct FASA Studios for doing as they were told. The management, the guys at the top - that’s where the blame lies. Doesn’t it? When a game goes that far south, does blame or fault actually exist? Is culpability even present in situation like that? From where I stand, it doesn’t look like it does. Bunches of people out their jobs, a nice cushy Directorship for the man with the plan.
With a grain of salt, I could be wrong. I know what a lightning rod looks like, I’ve sizzled in the wind myself. Mitch could well be the sacrificial lamb. Hate capacitor for the abysmal misuse of a franchise even an autistic monkey could make a Scrooge McDuck style money-bin out of. Am I tilting at shadowed windmills if the thought crosses that the nefariously responsible foist Gitelman out there, pat on the back and a “We’ll take care of you if you take the heat.” set of reassurances? Who knows.
Thursday, July 17th, 2008
Ken’s Ten
Warning. Strong language and political ranting ahead.
There’s this guy running for Representative in the district near the one I live in, whose name is Ken Babington. Ken is what you might call a “pillar of the community”, as he is Floridian nobility, which means either Baptist pastor, real estate mogul or orange grover. He operates a church out on Satellite Beach that got semi-famous for having its steeple fall into the roof after a particularly nasty hurricane came through.
Ken Babington is politically, for all intents and purposes, evil incarnate.
His website is rife with self-promoting content, as any politician’s should be, but the wording used is what really caught my attention. Let me ask you a question. Does the number of spawn you and your significant other pump out have a direct bearing on your abilities as a lawmaker? Does the geometric increase of baby units THOSE spawn have increase it still even further? Does the number of years you have managed to remain legally tied to a single partner make me feel that your respect for my rights will remain unwavering?
So, here this old republican is, crouched over his desk and petering out GOP slogans drenched in double-meaning in full video on each page of his “family-focused” site, and his run is punctuated by a list of promises to the district. Let me paste those here for you, and what they actually mean.
Reduce government spending and transfer many agencies to private, free-market industries. The government is designed to protect the citizens, and should not be in competition with private businesses.
Like welfare, social security, medicare, and national defense.
Life begins at conception, and the law should clearly state that.
The Bible, which is his justification on the matter, is mute on the subject. Actually, the Old Testament tends towards life being a lot less sacred and a lot more random genocidey. I have no problem saying life begins at conception, but that will require the concession that there are different varieties and values to different types of “life”.
Immigration control is a critical need for our security and safety. By holding employers responsible for their hiring practices, and by providing no benefits for illegal workers, Florida will not be their ‘home of choice’!
Wow. So much wrong here. Illegal immigrants don’t feed at this imaginary “trough” of “benefits”. Holding employers responsible is a nice idea, but that’s just treating the symptom, rather than the cause. Our “safety” is not intrinsically tied to immigration control. The 9/11 guys were here on legal visas. Are you just not following along?
We need to be drilling in the Gulf of Mexico. America should be energy independent, and Florida can lead the way!
A pro-oil, pro-drilling Republican? Surely you jest. You know though, I actually agree with the old coot here. We do need to have energy independence, and we DO need to drill our country like crazy. I’m pro-environment, mind you, and drilling doesn’t do as much damage as the ecostremists would have you believe. We need to nationalize the drilling, pumping, distribution and refinement of oil in this country. Take it out of the greedy grubby hands of Big Oil and make it a nationally regulated industry.
Florida must promote an atmosphere for entrepreneurial enterprises. We should encourage business start-up by Florida citizens, and we should constantly encourage those businesses. This can be done by aggressive financial start-up incentives. We provide tax incentives to bring businesses to Florida. Why not help Florida residents start businesses!!
Mildly sane recommendation.
Parental involvement in education is critical. Parents should be allowed to decide where their children are educated and how. The funds should follow the student, whether the student is public, parochial, private, or home educated.
Hah! Check the sly wording on this one. Reading between the lines, it says “PRO VOUCHER!”. Kids educated through home schooling aren’t exposed to a lot of life lessons and social situations that kids who attend public school are, and in my experience tend to be stunted, sheltered little dweebs. Parochial schooled kids are worse, as creationism is taught as fact and the Bible shares a backpack with science books. The education system should be federalized, and should occupy the primary budgetary expenditure of this nation.
The Public School System should teach the heritage of our great country. The Founding Fathers, in their written testimony and Congressional records, show our rich history, and students should be taught these facts.
By “heritage” he means the religious leanings of the founders. By “rich history” he means how Jesus mowed down redcoats with an M16 alongside George Washington.
No “PORK” should be included in any proposed Bill. If a Legislator wants a law passed, it should stand alone, and should not be included, or slipped into, another proposed Bill.
I understand the Republican inclination and desire to re-write most of our Constitution, including the state ones - but can we talk turkey here for a moment? A lot of “pork” are actual bills that fund social and infrastructure programs. The KENNEDY SPACE CENTER would be considered “pork” under this definition.
Lobbyists provide important information for Legislators to make intelligent decisions. That information should be provided with no exchange of anything, and lobbyists should never be allowed to contribute in any way to any Legislator, their staff, or campaign. So, lobbyists should be for information only, and any transfer of any type of funds should be criminal!
Someone should really quickly tell you that you are actually in the Republican party. Tobacco, Oil, Defense Contractors… or are you planning on keeping it local? Abramoff will be disappointed. And, you know the biggest contributors to political campaigns? Churches.
First-time offenders should learn quickly that the Judicial System has teeth. First-time drug-related felonies and D.U.I. offenses should have mandatory jail time, with no negotiation.
Matthew 5:39, you hypocritical shit. In accordance with the will of Murphy and the laws of shenannigans, I hereby lay a minor curse against the younger of your family. May your own words come to be through incidence and circumstance, and may mercy pass over your children or your children’s children in the same manner as you would have it pass over others.
Home property insurance and health insurance are critical issues. Both could be supplemented by associations at reduced premium expenses to the citizen. These associations should be private industries, rather than the State of Florida, and the private, competitive sector will make these services solid and affordable.
So, your solution to the home and health insurance disaster is to privatize it even further? Well, garsh. What a solution. You probably look at what happened with HMOs as a shining example of how to make the industry better.
The 10th Amendment in the United States Constitution guarrantees the State of Florida certain authority and power. We, as a State, must exert this power, and as your Representative I will strive to bring back to our great State the powers we have neglected by letting the Federal Government have non-delegated authority over us.
Scariest statement so far. States Rights is a good issue, but can you really imagine what the kind of sovereignty this nutjob envisions would have Florida doing? I’m picturing Harry Potter book BBQs and the Florida Highway Patrol detaining same-sex or interracial couples at the border.
The sickest thing of all is that this bastard is most likely going to get elected.
Sunday, July 13th, 2008
Supreme Ruler 2020
Just a quick reminder and note. Supreme Ruler 2020 is a vapid abortion of a video game. It exists in a state of almost playability, a purgatory-like alpha for $49.99 that makes me weep for what could have been a really good strategy game. It is unplayable, and this is something that I’ve rarely ever said, but the developers should honestly be ashamed.
Thursday, July 10th, 2008
Thompson Gets Jacked
Denigrate lawyer slime Jack Thompson has been targetted by a South Florida judge for permanent disbarment for his whacky courtroom antics. Reading over the whopper of a pdf of the filings, the bastard actually ARGUED with the judge in her own courtroom.
It’s more revealing that that though!
- He sent sex lube to judges and other lawyers, claiming they had been sent to him to harrass him.
- He called the game Bully a “Columbine simulator” and wondered how the judge missed all the “gay sex” in it.
- Many of his e-mails and faxes take on Doomsday scenario tones, ending with “Just wait.” or “Watch what happens next.”
- He walked out of his own misconduct hearing.
- In one of his letters to a judge, he attached a photo of the judge from “My Cousin Vinny”.
Most likely, the Bar Association of Florida will disbar him. If they are even remotely sane. Shamed and disgraced, malaise will likely take Jack Thompson as it often consumes so many of the “champions of morality” whose own unremitting demons force them to see darkness where there is none.